THE BACK OF THE BUS

Well, this old farm girl took a little trip out to the bright lights of Las Vegas to meet some of the folks from the Fab Forties chat room. Let me tell you it was quite an eye-opening experience. You know of course, that until about a year ago we had us some electric lights, till somebody come along and stole them and the whole corn crop. Now, you ain’t seen lights till you go to Vegas (that’s the sophisticated way to say it) them folks out there don’t know if it is night or day as they burn those lights all the time. And in those casino’s all you can hear is ding ding ding and clang clang clang as folks is either puttin in money or taken out---mostly puttin in is my observation.

I had thought that them there Soap Opry’s on tv was bad, but let me tell you I never in my born days saw so many females in half finished clothes, some of them was in their underslips and I am not sure they even had on any knickers. Some of their little bodies wasn’t even finished either and danged if they didn’t try to show them anyway.

Well, since I got there ahead of everyone else, I got out my coin purse and put a few quarters into this here machine and about the third time it spun it stopped all of a sudden and sum body started yelling "Wheel of Fortune" and danged if it didn’t kick out 1000 quarters. I had to get them to put that in paper money cause my coin purse couldn’t begin to hold all of that. That danged machine just kept giving me those quarters and singing  out Wheel of Fortune. I never did figure out where the folks were who were singing. I finally got tired of all that winning and sat in the lobby waiting to see if anyone knew me.

Finally some feisty little gal come up and said "Lizzie, do you know how many women in this place have on red and black"? That is how I met Mo and Lynda. As soon as them there women found out I had won money it was down to the casino they went. I hung onto mine for another day, but those darn machines just kept tempting me to put some back in and pretty soon they had it all.

One afternoon we decided to see the old part of town and caught a city bus. I think it must have been Saturday as it seemed like everyone in the county had come to town to do their shoppin and was drivin on the same street as us. Well, we got down to this place called Fremont street and went in one of them there fancy restaurants and had us a fine meal. When we came out, they was puttin on this laser light show on the ceiling and was playing this loud music. For a minute or two I thought my friends was all havin seizures- but it turns out they was just dancin to that music and havin a sing along. Then, so as we would all have something to remember our trip by, we all got tattoos. Then we had our pictures took and folks was stoppin everywhere just watching us, it was really kind of rude, as they was laughin at us too.

Then it was time to go back to the hotel so we caught the bus again. Somehow I got to the back of the line and when I got on they all had seats but a gentleman got up and give me his so I could sit too. It was right kindly of him and a good thing too, cause them other women got to carryin on somethin awful. They was hollerin and tryin to sing and somebody kept saying "don’t make baby jeebus cry" . Well, naturally I wanted no part of that and two nice young men sitting behind me (noticing how embarrassed I was) started chatting with me. It wasn’t long until the green eyed monster reared it’s ugly head and those women was wantin my seat. I tried to explain that I didn’t really know them and how I couldn’t smell any alcohol on them, but they sure acted like it. It took us 2 hours on that bus to get back to the hotel. They sure got a lot of strange looks from the other people on there. Now and then Lynda would make a comment but danged if I could translate it in time to reply. One time she said something about not wanting to wear her cozzie in the casino. I don’t know, maybe that is what all those other girls I was telling you about had on--or didn’t have on.

Mo was kind of the ring leader, as she had been to Vegas several times before and she kept the group rounded up and headed in the right direction. Danged if she can’t run like a rabbit. I happened to have my camera out when she came from the bathroom and she went flyin, I accidentally hit the button and got a pic. Dar was an angel and went out and got coffee every morning, but she did keep muttering about a baby. Tracy tried to  make time with all the bus drivers, she stepped right over that yellow line and we couldn’t hear a word she said. Trish and I shared a room and had several long long conversations after lights out. That will have to be another story. Rascal and Mrs. Rascal came too and livened things up a bit. Mrs. Rascal had an encounter with a young fellow in the casino who wanted to get to know her a little better.

People keep askin me if I lost money and if I did how much, so I just tell them "all of it". I will have to make my own dresses for a year to save that much again and those darn flour sacks itch till they are washed several times. Course, if nobody steals our corn crop this year, I might could save enough corn silk to make me a real purty party dress and go again. Now I may have to finish this another time as I am running out of room so I had better stop for now and sit back and listen for "Wheel of Fortune". Till next time ,

Lizzie

Copyright

[Editor's note; The reason Lizzie couldn't understand me on the bus, was because she had been telling the young bucks she was chattin' up that she had this Irish woman in her group. She called me over and told me to tell them where I was from. Now, who could resist an opening like that? So I said to them, "J'habite l'Irelande du Nord, à Belfast plus précisément." The look on their faces was priceless!!! LOL]

                     THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME

While some frolicked in Vegas, here I am only one in the room hearing the echo as they tromped out the door. T'is dark in the corners-an things sure look ragtag-maybe some vermin lurking about-this place needs a make over. No one said I could…. BUT…. What they gonna do if tis a done deal?

First thing enlarge-more windows-sky lights-double size the toilets. Larger ventilator systems ta make it less uncomfortable for them adverse to smoke-garlic onions and other stuff best left untold. Gotta have parquet floors cept toilets an kitchen-kind that shines all the time (or you can bet who’s gonna have to wax them) Oh a place to dance to the jukebox. Ye hear Mr. Tec, practizing on a grand piano for Ma’am? (Poor Lynda, has to suffer yet some more)-

Course need to install a dressing room to hang that red dress-need a screen to hide the door-can’t have any womanizers using it for stuff. Then a grand piano for Taffy, to play her classical music tis truly beautiful-another for Keys, with a violin case his wife wants to play along. better make it larger-shoot hope they have the money to pay for all this. Cause I don’t. Just think a masquerade ball in Oct. big dinner Thanksgiving-Christmas and formal dinner and dance New Years Eve. How grand.

Make walls wainscot then touch of blush on up- pick up the colors with sweeping landscapes (some by our own Strangelilbebe)-floral arrangements an stuff. Be a mixture of Cordovan leather (dark tan) with hob nails-best not see anyone trying prying on them either—no combs-spurs-spiked heels or nekked bodies. If yer wearing kilts or them string under wear best keep yer skirt/kilt down. Have not heard of mad cow from settin on leather stuff-but-best be safe. We’s got to have some in Wedgwood blue brocade and ecru to set off that dark tan cordovans- (best if wine drinkers by pass all but leather <S>

Now by the fireplace have it so we can pop corn-toast marshmallows and roast taters-no hot dogs-muddy sneakers-wet boots-long johns or orgies.

Oh dear I have been so fuddled I plum left out a place for the cats an dogs-their gonna terrorize me for sure fergetin them por lit critters. Well bite the bark an put in a cat house-a/c running water lots of sand an toys. Dogs need a/c an a flushing post-auto feeder also.

Not putting up nothing for anything that creeps-crawls-or slithers-no sir.

Wow I like it. Hey a newbie-sure I’ll show ye around. Across that pond is the Ukers can ye tell by that heavy Celtic brogue /;-) Lizzie’s, place is over there an where the holly hocks-morning glories-sweetpeas an four o'clocks is her out house …she likes to sit there with the door open an and write stuff. -That there is the famous Closet-we think it is empty – but the strangest noise comes outta there at times.

See them there mountains? Well Becca, and Michael, live there-don’t do anything to get her into a spear throwing mood an if you hear “IN COMING” duck cause that means Michael’s, unit is on maneuvers. You’ll find Hardtack, in that mountain over there. He is a real mountain man and mine in case the “Big One “ comes /;-) he knows ever thing.

Hear that prudy music? That’s Taffy’s, Argentina Tango School-/;-)

There goes Tracy’s, bus screeching round the corner hauling all our Canadians-hey Fatema, hugsssssss an best not strip them gears or Tracy, will be more than miffed. /;-)

Shhh see them bushes move? Bet tis Tigger, -she loves to slink up and pounce-near gives a body heart flutters. Them there horses belong to Rascal an his lady love, -one out front is Sox,   Rascal, decorates him up for every holiday. That other ranch where the pretty lady with long hair be riding is Melody’s. Not sure if they have a racecourse…but bet they will by an by.

Hello Lillyrose, dear wait till you see all the new stuff??? No –no no one said I could. Oh my gosh she’s shakin her head-their gonna kill me an I’m so fragile.

Wonder if I could say –twas –THEM tole me-but no one knows who THEM is-no guess not. That’s Juris and Dar’s, place –the ol furt will stay in the attic till Dar, gets home-how such a sweet thing as she is can put up with his misbehaving is beyond me. <Sigh>

Good grief there goes Hunter, right through my little walkin park with Longshot right behind him in his 18 wheeler…Where’s the Forums Cop??? Stewie get yerself back here-a lady does not do hand stands on the back of a motorbike. I jus don’t understand these kids of today.<Sigh>Good grief granny tha’s Rena, an she’s done put a jet engine on her wheels-passing Shot, an Hunter, both….LOOK OUT!!!! Oh gosh she done clipped the cathouse fur and stuff flying all over the place. Thymes steaming cause now half them cats have to go home with him and he is plum outa room. Is Tex the cop on duty???

Trish-oh no she done went with them others to Vegas…soot.

No sir that is not the Tetons their over there by Becca’s, an Micheal’s.!!!Gin get yerself covered ye can’t take a sun bath neckked in front of company—Wooly, I see ye peeping through them bushes at Gin-behave now.

Hear that- it be a couple of our angels flying over- course ones French, other is from Lou-is-e-ana-can’t understand a word they say talk so fast.

Now ifin your singles there’s the path to where ye’ll live-if married take that lane-be some houses empty there. Millie!!! Oh my aunt Fanny’s britches you done pushed me in the dirty ditch water an I’m all over mud. Oh man the horses are lose--- Good Grief aunt Gerty a cow is got Ma’ams red dress round her neck-what in tarnation is going on? Oh No the mail man with more bills …they are gonna kill me- I jus know it.

Mister ye best stop laughin –I knows I look like a lump of mud but I don’t take kindly to be made fun of. See that clapboard shanty shack over there? It be mine an I gonna conjure ye if ye keep on- get me some stump water first I will.

BUS? WHAT BUS?  GOOD GRIEF aunt Gertys garter – its them their home-all them smiling coquette’s an Rascal with his lady love an she be one of them smilers <Sigh> (groan) what a mess an I’m mud all over- no ones gonna hug me sides I look like a lump of mud. Might as well get my place ready in the memory

Garden an if that Owl, bends over laughin I’m gonna rip his sheet. Their gonna kill me

For sure. <Groan>!

 Cappy

Copy write

FROM TORONTO TO VEGAS AND HOME AGAIN!!

You know, the time just seems to fly by!!  Seems we talked and planned our little excursion to Las Vegas and now it’s come and gone!! 

I had been on vacation starting the previous Saturday.  I certainly had plenty to keep my busy before getting ready for Vegas!!  I had dinner with friends, catching up with those I hadn’t seen in ages due to my work hours.  Trying to fit in laundry (summer clothes were definitely a requirement for this trip), and running around kept me busy and before I knew it, I was packing my last minute things.

 The night before we left, I got a call from Ma’am, informing me that justDar was joining us in Vegas!!  Right after that, justDar called to tell me.  Her flight was arriving shortly after mine, so the plan was to meet at the airport.

 Now, since 9/11 security is even tighter at airports.  I was told to be at the airport 3 hours before my flight.  No big deal, I was taking the bus out there anyhow (why pay $60.00 for a cab, when I can travel for free?).  I did finally get myself a passport, which made getting through U.S. Customs much simpler.

My flight left Toronto 30 minutes late.  It was fairly uneventful, landing in Las Vegas only 10 minutes late.  But, seems there was a plane at our gate and we had to wait for that to clear!!  40 minutes later we finally got off the plane.  Got my luggage (yes, my knickers made it safely), bought a bus ticket to get to the hotel and went looking for Dar.  Her flight arrived ‘on time’, or so it said.  I waited, talked to Ma’am about 4 times, waited and waited.  Finally, I boarded a bus for the hotel when the baggage area cleared out and still no Dar!!

 I hadn’t been to Las Vegas in just over 24 years.  My last visit being with my parents.  Now, travelling to Vegas with Mom is not exactly fun...not when you like the slot machines and she keeps telling you to get up to the room!!  This time, no Mom, and me and the slot machines (which seemed to eat all my money).

 Everything in Las Vegas is done on such a grand scale.  I couldn’t believe the size of the hotel we were staying in!!  I trooped through the Casino to the proper place, had security phone the room, and Lynda actually said I could come in!!  Well, she told the guy he could keep me down there, but she figured I might want to come up to the room!!

 Lynda and I chatted, talked to Ma’am a few times, and waited on Dar arriving.  Finally, about 30 minutes after I got there, she did.  Seems her plane sat on the tarmac too, waiting for a gate.  Juris called (at 4:00 a.m. his time) to make sure his lovely wife arrived safely.

 Friday morning, saw us all meet for breakfast.  I got to meet our Lizzie for the first time.  What a gal she is!!  Ma’am did present me with my very own “Mr Wonderful”, just like the one Lynda had!!  He travelled with me everywhere Friday.  We ventured up to strip to Caesar’s and Bellagio, checking out the sights along the way.  Trish gave me a “Don’t Mess with Texas” key chain, which I added on to my keychain collection with my keys.  Not sure how I ended up collecting these darn things, but I have a few now.  Lynda had a “goodie bag” of things, so we were told to reach in and pick one…so I have a collectors spoon from Ireland.  Friday night we met up with Rascal and his lovely wife Donna for dinner.  We did spend lots of time in the casino, donating our money.  Although I started off well, by Friday night I was only up about $30.00. 

Saturday saw us back in the Casino donating more of our money!!  Since Rascal had his “small truck” with him, he offered to take Lynda, Dar and I to Wal-Mart for a bit of shopping.  Great guy that Rascal!!..He waited patiently for us while we shopped.  We went back to the hotel and decided to venture in to the pool.  Was nice to get some sun.  I even got a bit of sunburn, and that was using sunscreen!!  Lynda even had a sun tan!!

 Ma’am suggested we go see the Freemont Street Experience on Saturday night.  The bus ride there took quite awhile, with all the traffic.  Turns out we were in Vegas on one of the busiest weekends of the year!!  We had dinner, saw the laser light show, got air-brush tattoos, strolled along the street and ventured back to the hotel.  The bus ride back to the hotel was definitely one you had to be there to see!!  We laughed, we sang, we provided the entertainment on the bus for everyone.  And yes, we were stone cold sober!!  I don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.  Lizzie was otherwise “occupied” with a couple of young studs.  That Mrs. Robinson was having a blast!!   

 Sunday saw us venture back up the strip for a bit more shopping.  It was on this shopping trip that we found Lynda her lovely purple hat.  This will be her “summer purple hat” for her games.  No trashing this hat!!..It’s beautiful and looks great on her!!  We tried so hard to find that “perfect” red dress for Ma’am, and although we did find one or two, she didn’t buy them.  The heat finally got to us and we returned to the hotel for more gambling (surprise!!), and relaxation. 

 Since I was leaving Sunday night, we didn’t venture far for dinner.  I don’t know where the weekend went, but I do know that I had a GREAT time with everyone.  After dinner, Ma’am and Lynda went off looking for Elvis t-shirts, Trish, Rascal and Donna hit the casino, and I went upstairs with Dar and Lizzie to finish packing for the trip home.

 My flight left Las Vegas 90 minutes late!!  Seems the plane was coming from Montreal and there had been a snow storm there, so it was delayed to Vegas!!  Snow?  Jees, bad enough I had checked the temps out before leaving to find I was coming home to -13C Monday morning, never mind that there could actually be snow on the ground!! 

 My arrival in Toronto brought me back to cold, but no snow.  I sailed through customs, had my luggage and was on my way home within 25 minutes of our landing!!  The weather here was certainly different than what I had left!!  In Vegas we had sun, not a cloud in the sky and temps in the 80’s, although Sunday it had to have been at least 90..it was hot. 

Reality set in very quickly!!  Tuesday night it was back to work!!

 So, to Lynda, Maureen, Trish and Dar…it was wonderful to see you all again!!  To Lizzie, Rascal and Donna…was great to meet you and hope that we will meet again soon!!

 I can’t wait until the next meet…

 Tracey

I SURVIVED

Well, the Las Vegas meeting is over and I survived. My checking suffered a fair loss, but Steve Wynn came down from the Bellagio and thanked me personally. He said that Nevada gaming industry can now survive till my next trip. I keep vowing that someday I'll return home with more in my pocket than when I left. Alas, that has yet to happen.

In more ways than one I survived. Keep in mind, out of eight that attended, I was the only male. That alone suggests I have a unique talent for survival. I made it through numerous comments about the male butts walking in front of us, Mrs. Robinson and her entourage of admirers and Tracey wanting to go see the all male (semi-nude) review "The Thunder From Down Under." I'm sure some day, we'll see Trisha on one of the poker tournaments, she is the Texas Holdem expert. Maureen decided to invest her vast funds into The Wheel of Fortune and my wife Donna likes the Live Wire machines. They liked her too. It seemed as though JustDar knows half the people in Las Vegas, every time we turned around a new face was saying hello to her. It was a real pleasure meeting Lynda, and I had the honor of providing her with her very first Wal-Mart experience. The Las Vegas Wal-Mart shoppers can certainly provide an opportunity to see a vast cross section of American humanity. Kinda scarey huh.

On the drive home I was thinking about Lynda, and some of the wonders of the West that she didn't have the opportunity to experience while she was here. Just to give her an idea of what she missed, and possibly provide a reason for her return I decided to document our return home.

The first stop in our virtual drive is Baker California, home of the world's largest thermometer. Surely a sight that should be listed as the world's eighth wonder. I have seen this very thermometer at 119 degrees Fahrenheit. I'm not sure what this is in Celsius but rest assured it's damn hot. Baker is also the "Gateway to Death Valley". I guess they need to hang their hat on something except the Bun Boy Restaurant.

Our next stop is the vast nothingness of the California Desert. In the far distance is the Soda Springs dry lake bed. With the right weather conditions and the proper sun angle this whole area appears as a vast lake of blue water. One of the mirages that tempted desert travelers and led them to a false oasis Filled with nothing but sand. One of the unique things about this one is the rock pile that sits on it. This rock pile is app. 7 to 8 feet high and contains a plaque that labels this illustrious place and reads: "In 1897, Nothing happened here".
 

Traveling on down the road one soon arrives at Zzyzx Road. In the 1940's a radio personality, Curtis "Doc" Springer dreamed up this name as the last word in the English language. He and his wife opened up what was then known as The Zzyxx Mineral Springs and Health Spa. It consisted of a church, radio station, private "Zyport" airstrip and 60 cabins, along with a health spa with mineral baths. The resort even boasted a mechanical exercise horse once owned by President Calvin Coolidge.

Springer acquired the titles of Doctor and Minister, although he was neither. His radio broadcasts were carried by 221 radio stations in the US and 102 abroad. He extolled the virtues of his miracle tonic that could cure anything from baldness to cancer. The AMA learned of Springer by his radio broadcasts and named him "King of Quacks.

In 1974, the government shut him down for food and drug law violations as well as unauthorized use of federal land. He apparently never owned the land and built his spa on federally owned property. He spent some time in jail, retired to Las Vegas and died in 1986.

There are now thousands of web-sites, businesses, rock bands and there's even a bar in Tokyo named Zzyzx Bar. That I guess is Springer's true legacy.

Last but not least, Lynda would have had the unique opportunity to see Sox in her full winter garb. She's since shifted to her Easter outfit. This is one horse that I'm sure Lynda can ride, but she wouldn't get far. Well, maybe by her next trip over the pond, our colt will be ready to break.

Rascal

  LITTLE BITS FROM MA'AM
 

Greetings everyone!! Last month I was writing about the preparation for Lynda's arrival. Time goes by so fast!!! Lynda arrived March 11th and the plane was on time and the "knickers" on the same plane!!! It was great seeing Lynda again and we crammed a lot of sightseeing and wine tasting and Vegas and wine tasting and shopping and Margarita's. .We did a tour of the Amador wine country with my daughter and friends. We wanted to visit a winery that had an interesting proprietor however he was gone, and his wine stank!! Literally!! I am not a wine connoisseur by any means but even I knew it was bad.

We went to the Napa ranch and did a bit of shopping and the next day on to San Francisco. For some reason, WE were not allowed on Alcatraz, still not sure if that is good or bad <G> but we did take a cruise around the bay and another tour around parts of the city. San Francisco is an awesome city to visit and the day could not have been more perfect for weather. Actually one of the best days I have ever seen in San Francisco. Two days later on the plane to Las Vegas. I am certain there are a few interpretation of the Vegas trip that will be described here; I just want to say, "I am innocent" of anything they try to pin on me!! <LOL> It was great seeing Tracey, Trisha, Darlene again and meeting Mike and Donna and of course the "famous" Mrs. Robinson aka Lizzie. Now Lizzie tells us she will be wearing a red sweater and black slacks, you have no idea how many red sweaters and black pants we saw and just nonchalantly calling out Lizzie to every red sweater we saw. We finally spotted this redhead reading book and somehow we knew it was Lizzie. I have to say it was so wonderful seeing the friends I have met before and meeting new online friends. I am sure there will be more on the Vegas trip in other articles and will let the others carry on. I will say, we did find a gorgeous purple hat and I found a snug red dress!! Working on that!! <S> Returning from the Vegas adventure, Lynda and I had three days left before she flew to Chicago. We spent another day in Amador county and Lynda purchased a wonderful clock in the little town of Sutter Creek. When it arrives in Ireland, it will be the only one on the continent!! Pretty Special eh?? I was a great visit and a fast paced two weeks and I enjoyed it so much!!!

Forum News JustDar has returned to staff, big WELCOME BACK DAR!!! So glad to have Dar back and hope to have some great laughs again. Rascal's Roundup will be an hour later @ 11:00 EDT. Something about horses don't wear watches or change time!! <G> Becca has a new job and will be very busy for a while and unfortunately and sad to say, Musical Madness will be on hiatus starting in May. Hope to see the game return as soon as the job permits. Gin will be out for several weeks having some surgery on her wrists, hmmm wonder if it is too much time at the computer?? Most of Gin's games and Debate will be covered. Congratulations Becca and Good Luck Gin and a speedy recovery.

I guess I have rambled on and time to close for this month. Everyone take care and to Staff, thank you for all your efforts and time.. Until next month..

Hugggs from Ma'am