WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

COURSE PREREQUISITES
At least one child in the home
Nerves of steal, SuperMan style
Determination of a bulldog, ability to growl also helpful
Very good, very warped sense of humor<for those times when you need to come up with 'creative' methods of punishment>

COURSE SUPPLIES, <not available at campus bookstore, please visit your local hardware, grocery, and comedy stores>
Rope, heavy duty, lots of it
Duct tape <you should know this by now and be carrying a roll with you at all times>
Plenty of the kids favorite snacks, make them small, like doggie treats. Training is much more effective that way.<a chew bone couldn't hurt either>
A whoopie cushion
A pile of fake dog poop
Fake throw up
And lastly, stink bombs

We will start with obedience training. Get a fanny pack, put a handful of treats in, and put in on your waist.
Now......look at child and say in a kind, but firm voice.........SIT BOY(or GIRL).
If child immediately sits, reward them with a treat.
If child looks at you with a blank stare, gently put your hand on their shoulder, and push them down to the ground, then reward them with a treat, and praise them profusely.

It shouldn't take more than 3 tries before your child understands just what is expected. If it takes longer, you will need to go back and take the basics class again. <this time pay closer attention>

Once they have mastered sitting, you can move on to the command 'lay down'. This one particularly usefull with the 'stay' command, which we will do later. It comes in very handy when you take them shopping with you and you need them to leave you the hell alone for awhile.

Make sure your child is looking directly in your eyes. By this time he should be already anticipating a treat so that shouldn't be a problem. Put your index finger at his eye level, and in a soft, firm, voice say........dowwnnn, while slowly bringing your finger down to point at the ground. This will undoubtely cause your child to look at you like you are crazy, but the primal desire for food will make him want to cooperate. If he goes to the sitting position, just gently push on his shoulder again, until he is laying down on the ground. You may give him a treat now, but only after a 3 sec delay. This helps to reinforce the fact that you are serious, and he needs to stay put. Gradually work up to about a 10 sec delay. By that time, there should be no doubt in the childs mind what this command means.

That's enough for this lesson. You have much to work on. Practice these often everyday, and I promise you, your life will soon be sooo peaceful and orderly, you will wonder how you managed before training. <SS>

Keep your supplies handy. I will be explaining them in later lessons <GG>

Teri