1. If possible, pawn them off on relatives. Make sure you have caller ID, so that when they try to call to have you collect your little darlins, you can just ignore it and pretend you are never home.

2. Summer Camp. These can be a bit pricey, but they are dollars well spent. But you may be wise to check out the camp first instead of just relying on the brochere. A beautiful lake with plentiful wildlife may just mean a mosquito infested swamp with rapid deer. Again, make sure you have caller ID so that the camp will just take them to the hospital when they come down with maleria instead of bothering you.

3. Make them get a job. And none of this part-time garbage. There are still plenty of places that ignore the child labor laws, find them and take advantage of their dishonesty of keep your kid occupied. Then take half their pay check (for room and board of course) and in a couple of months, you can take a nice cruise (alone)

4. Summer School. This can be a great way to get your kid out of the house for at least half the day. Of course, they don't like this idea very much. What self respecting kid wants to actually learn something, but hey.....since when do they have a say in their life!

5. And last, but not least, you could actually spend time WITH them. I know, I know.....sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, but it could turn out ok. Just make sure you have plenty of duct tape and valium on hand for those really difficult days.

These are only a few suggestions. I have many more, but Child Protection Services is already watching me closely, so I don't like to call too much attention to myself.

All joking aside friends....enjoy the summer, enjoy the warmth (it will be soon enough that we are complaining about the cold) and most of all, enjoy your children. I promise, you will look back on these difficult times and laugh.